Today is one of the many days I decide to FINALLY start living as a productive member of society, only to go back to the same old routine of barely meeting absolute requirements for life. Anyway, I think I have given up on the endevour of connecting with any other person, so from now on I will (using this word as a way to force myself to do so rather as a definite statement about the future) focus my energy onto writing as much as of my thoughts as I possibly can in order to somehow formulate a sense of self from this incoherent mess. Basically, I want to write to live. Much of this desire stems from a school project I have to do about the career I want to have in the future (which is to have some sort of career in the writing industry). And since I currently am quite focussed on how I will live my own life when I am an adult, all of my efforts and passion is on this one end goal: to start being the person I truly want to be. And who is that person? I don't know, yet. Maybe the concept of this "who I want to be" thing will change in the future, but the main thing is that I am currently not who I want to be. I guess in a way, this sudden obsession over my future self is a direct reaction to how stifled I feel in the environment I currently am in. I have noticed that my "personality" at school is mainly just polite courtesy and asking about studies, which is not who I really am. Main takeaway from this is that I am having an Identity Crisis.