life...is normal. i have a bunch of stuff or ideas or concepts that i want to talk about but...i really do not have the emotional capacity to talk about those topics, and i also feel like it would be fake to talk about having those kind of feelings when i dont. but then again its not like anyone would know if i write good enough. its actually quite hard to figure out whether someone is faking an emotion or not unless they are really, really bad at acting, or being phoney on purpose. or maybe i just dont have that sort of awareness in terms of people. anyway im going to list down some ideas to write that i had thought of and i am going to write them sooner or later and then put them up on the website. i suppose now since im posting my thoughts online i should be filtering my thoughts a bit, especially since i have shared the link to my website to some close friends...but well...isnt the best form of existence one of entertainment? where every unfiltered thought can become a caricature of the human mind. what is privacy and reservedness, except being a coward? let them see me for the piece of shit i truly am, underneath my skin and flesh. let them laugh at me for i do not feel humiliated, rather i revel in every form of the human reaction. it gives me a sort of giddy feeling when i think about people gossiping about me, psychoanalysing me, reading my 'deepest darkest thoughts' and trying to puzzle the conception of me they got from these entries out from the image they have of me in real life. i dont think humans are complex creatures with many layers of thought and personality, i think we're just overpretentious apes with a propensity for a big ego. human interaction is engineered anyway. time spent puzzling out which mbti type i am, enneagram, ne fi te si, am i sanguine melancholic phlegmatic alpha beta delta omega or what ever else bullshit there is on the internet regarding personality types, and i realise that there is no such thing as a fixed personality, everyone can be anyone for everyone and theres nothing unique about anyone else except that it is something material. yeah. idk this sounds a bit pretentious as well but let me be the me i am now, so i can cringe about all the logical fallacies later on.

anyway i went on quite the tangent there. i said i just wanted to list some topics i wanted to talk about, and ended up ranting on some...idea anyway.

so:

• rejection of the pursuit of aestheticism, and shallow human ideals. and consumerism as a whole.
• general rant of my cycle between intellectual and gooner
• a Very Deep^TM analysis of the connection between religiousity, homophobia, and kpop (inspired by my friends/the friend group i hang out with)
• a book review on a book i read recently (which may or may not be influencing the core of myself as a whole (human 'identity' is shallow and vulnerable to change based on current TV shows being watched and what is on your 'for you' page anyhow)): My Year of Rest and Relaxation
• thats all

• fully finish the media page on the website
• change the layout of the page using iframe
• thats it

i just realised even though i see/saw myself as a 'prospecting/spontaneous/disorganised' type (in terms of mbti) i actually have quite the affection for bullet point lists. and that links back to my idea of 'a person has no true/real personality'. and i think the main reason i thought i was a prospecting type was because i am lazy and never clean my room. which is because i am lazy. thats it. no fancy psychological analysis to happen there.